Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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