I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
