Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
