Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
