last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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