Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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