THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
