we have pet lesbian snakes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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