can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
