Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
