you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
