if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
