My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
