my shit smells like andre
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
