he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
