You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
