vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
