but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
