i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
