i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
