Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
