Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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