yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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