I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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