The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
