So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
