I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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