no, he came in my armpit
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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