Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The Olympian is in my bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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