saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
