I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
