Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
