It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
