if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
