I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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