its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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