nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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