I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Welp...herpes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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