First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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