she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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