i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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