Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
