I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
