lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
