You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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