Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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