I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
A bitchslap is in order.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
