Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
