fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
