I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
