you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you had me at cake vodka
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
