I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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