Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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