I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
