I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
