why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
