ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
