mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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