The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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