dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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