i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
