My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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