Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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