Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
