i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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