Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
