Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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