Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
His nipple licking is glorious
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