he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
