Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
