Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize