did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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