my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
