Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
